Traditionally Stressful
Illustration by Kerra and Faith Henke / @artsyaffirmations
The holiday season is problematic for so many reasons, from the systemic colonization of Thanksgiving to the financial pressures of spending (on gifts, dinners, outings, etc.). The holidays almost always have a way of putting us in undesirable social situations and bringing up a LOT of emotions, whether you’re being quizzed on the state of your career, love life, or eating habits by family, or spending the holidays alone, watching Hallmark movies that depict a narrow-minded image of what holidays “should be.”
This year, I did not go home for Thanksgiving, and as the only one my roommates left in an empty apartment, it felt lonely. I immigrated to the United States from Belarus when I was four. So growing up, I never celebrated Thanksgiving in the traditional way that most of my American friends did. My mom, dad, brother and I would eat dinner together or gather at family friends’ houses. But as soon as I moved to college, spending Thanksgiving with my family also meant spending money on a plane ticket. With Christmas and New Year’s Eve coming up so soon, visiting twice didn’t make financial sense.
Given the choice between Thanksgiving and Christmas to stay on budget, I chose the latter. (Since my birthday is conveniently on December 28th, I’m slightly biased.) And, unlike during Thanksgiving, my family has a host of traditions based around the last week of the year. But, they don’t look like “Christmas,” as it’s celebrated in the US – with Santa and presents and trees in your living room.
“I was tricked into thinking I was getting twice as many presents and my mom and dad got to pass on the traditions and stories they grew up with. Genius.”
Christmas, named to commemorate Christ's birth, is celebrated in Eastern Europe on January 7th by the Julian Calendar (used by Orthodox churches) that pre-dates the Gregorian Calendar (invented by a Catholic Pope). Christmas in Belarus is strictly religious. But that does not mean that we get to or have to avoid holiday shopping! We celebrate with gifts and trees, but on New Year’s Eve instead. For us, “St. Nicholas” is actually “Grandpa Frost,” and he doesn’t use reindeer.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. If you find this confusing, imagine explaining to your four-year-old daughter when she asks why she won’t be getting gifts for another six days while her friends brag about their new toys. Not wanting to devastate me, my parents were smart and gave me some presents early while saving some for the following week. I was tricked into thinking I was getting twice as many presents and my mom and dad got to pass on the traditions and stories they grew up with. Genius. And everyone lived happily ever after.
Just kidding! There are still work and travel plans that keep me from my family. My mom’s friends still pester me about where all the cute boys in NYC disappeared to. My dad still gets a little too tipsy on the champagne every other year. The holidays are still stressful! But I didn’t share my story with you to be pessimistic; my goal was to create solidarity.
Whatever chaos has you feeling ungrounded or down during the holidays this year, experiment with keeping your focus on the little things that make you happy. Up your self-care game: work out, meal-prep, get outside, and most importantly, take time for yourself – whatever that may look like. Try setting boundaries with your family. There are 3,740,000 Google search results for “how to stay sane during the holidays.” Pick one and run with what works for you. There are so many ways that social norms and expectations can tear us apart, but remember, you are not alone. We hear you and we see you! Happy holidays and best of luck in weathering them – the good, the bad and the ugly.
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Lidziya Rubanava is the Body Politics events intern and writer extraordinaire! Check out more of her work as well as freelance projects on her website or stalk her Instagram @fearlesslida.
Kerra and Faith Henke are the masterminds behind @artsyaffirmations and quirky pop culture art is kind of their thing. Shop their hand-made and fan-made prints and embroidery in their Etsy shop.
